Tag: inclusion

Failing Forward with Compassion

Advocacy is never a straight, linear path. It’s two steps forward, one step back. It’s rocky and risky. Messy, really.

As a society, we need to embrace failure. We want our government to be able to pivot when needed, to consult and always reflect on whether their policies and laws are working. There are so many times when unintended effects occur. We don’t ever really know sometimes, until we try something. Unfortunately, at times, it takes people speaking up over the harms they are experiencing to ever really know that something isn’t working. How many times do we hear horrific stories to realize just how wide the gaps are in a system?

Generally speaking, we aren’t great at predicting human behaviour. We think we are. We do risk assessments, but we are often wrong. Risk assessments are educated guesses. They are done in percentages. Given all of these factors, this person has a 30% chance of re-offending. That won’t be true for everyone. Due to the outliers, we overly punish more people out of fear, hoping to get it right 100% of the time.

We want our teachers to be able to pivot with new information. Just because we did something one way for the last 20 years doesn’t mean that we can’t do something different when presented with new information. We want people to be able to change their minds and not dig their heels in the sand when presented with harm.

As parents, we also reflect on whether our parenting strategies are working. Our kids are our greatest teachers. And they certainly let us know when our approaches don’t work.

We need to be compassionate towards ourselves. We put so much weight and responsibility on our shoulders. We don’t want to get anything wrong, as the impacts will be felt by our children. Some parents are so afraid to make a mistake with their advocacy efforts that they do nothing.

I encourage people to get comfortable with failing forward. We fail, we reflect, we learn, and then we take the next step. And the next. And the next. Perfectionism can put us in our own prison.

I have experienced failure a lot in my efforts to push the line. But never completely. Even in the failure, the line has moved. There has always been progress. Sometimes completely unintended. It’s always nice when that works out. Why, yes, I planned this all along. umm…not.

Advocating in our kids’ IEP meetings feels very risky. We can feel full of fear. Fear of pissing people off, and our kids not being liked because of us. That is the worst feeling. The worst kind of fear. It’s one thing if I risk a business idea, but to risk my child’s emotional safety feels intolerable.

Deciding what advocacy approach to take can feel like a risk. Do we file an external complaint? We do our research. We weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes, it’s the only thing we can do; we have tried everything else. Even if your complaint doesn’t unfold the way that you hope, just filing creates data that informs the system. Even if your TRB complaint doesn’t lead to a consent resolution, it stays on their file and will help the next parent, as the TRB often waits for patterns of behaviour to appear. Complaints led to an exclusion investigation from Ombudsperson BC, and I don’t see any successful case summaries about exclusion on their website.

We want society to be compassionate with our own children as they fail forward in life. Making mistakes as they grow. Learning from them. We can be compassionate with ourselves as we stumble around trying to figure things out. Testing out different strategies. Reflecting. Taking in new information. Pivoting. Trying again. It seems, to be successful at anything in life, we need to practice over and over. Which means, we aren’t successful the first time, but maybe the 50th time.

It can be nerve-wracking to advocate for our kids. I love support groups for this reason. Talking to other people who are also out there failing forward helps to make it seem less scary. You can do this.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”. – Gandhi

Settlements

At any time, a settlement can occur during the human rights process. The BC HRT website also states that you can request a mediation meeting at any time.

Some people file a human rights complaint and then, soon after, send a demand letter. Sometimes, if you tell the school that you filed a human rights complaint, they try and make things right. They offer support in exchange for a withdrawal. Which, hey, if your kid gets what they need, success! If the supports leave in the future, file another complaint. Ride it out. Make the complaint last, as they may provide support to limit their damage period. They know they will have to be prepared to provide evidence that they are providing reasonable accommodations.

At any time, you can send a settlement offer through email, titled “Without prejudice” at the top. Doesn’t matter where you are in the process. You can search on the internet for examples of settlement offers, but really, it doesn’t need to be anything fancy. There are many pages on the BC Human Rights Tribunal Website to read about settlement.

At the beginning of your complaint process, once it’s been accepted, the tribunal will automatically set up a mediation meeting with a mediator. If both parties have legal representation, they are encouraged to do it on their own. But mediation meetings do sometimes fail, and settlement can still occur after.

A lot of settlements happen a couple of weeks before a hearing. This is quite typical, and if you follow hearings on the HRT website, a lot of them drop off before the actual hearing date. At the last case conference before the hearing, the tribunal will encourage both parties to try again with a mediator and organize the mediation meeting.

Some people settle days before a hearing. Settlement can even occur during a hearing. Quite a sizeable chunk of people settle after a hearing and everyone’s cards have been shown.

At some point during the process, parents are sometimes approached by the respondents and asked, what do you feel your child needs in order to be successful? They look at offering them another opportunity to come back to school with more support. This may be appealing to you and mitigate the harm your child has already experienced.

If you are fighting for a monetary settlement amount, the amount you are fighting for is for your kid. This is money that will be held in trust until they are 19. You and/or they can access this money for them. For speech therapy, or counselling, etc. If they want something, and if you agree, they can request portions of it for something they want/need. If you can get your kid back into school with the support they need to be successful, this is also a benefit to them. Getting them the support they need can be way more valuable than any dollar amount you could end up with for them.

I just encourage parents to be open to various ways of obtaining a benefit for their child and other children. Policies can come out of settlements, changes in practice, etc. For most parents, the whole point of filing a human rights complaint is for their child. You can be creative. BUT, I highly suggest you consider getting something of a monetary amount. Even a couple of thousand dollars can go towards counselling, which may be very helpful. Some of the creative resolutions won’t be held up by a court if they don’t fulfill their commitment, but a monetary amount will be.

There have been cases where they have tried to wiggle out of the creative mediation agreements, or given the bare minimum, but still legally fit the terms of the agreement. That’s why I say, if you get at least some monetary amount, you have something. Then you can always file another complaint if the issue is persistent.

If you want a hearing instead of a settlement, I get it. I certainly won’t be the person to try and talk you out of it.

As always, I encourage you to seek legal advice when going through a settlement and having a lawyer review your settlement agreement.

Here are some lawyer referrals


BC Human Rights Tribunal – Who Can Help

Disability Alliance – Law Clinic

Lawyer Referrals and free consultation

“You are advocating even when your voice shakes”

This is beautifully written by a fellow parent advocate. She posted this on her Facebook page. I have her permission to share here. Thank you, Sarah!

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You are fighting for your child when the school system keeps failing them. You are trying to decode reports, emails, and endless jargon just to get basic support and sometimes not even that! You are sitting through meetings where you’re told to “be patient” …again…while your child slips further behind.

You’re spending your evenings learning about dyslexia, ADHD, and learning differences instead of relaxing. Even trying to help other parents who are just starting out on this long road.

You are sacrificing time, money, and energy to hire tutors and specialists because the system won’t. You are reaching out to anyone who is willing to listen or help, but most of the time hit dead ends. While your friends are driving their kids to soccer or dance, you’re driving yours to yet another tutoring session or trying to read with them, or encouraging them to do more Lexia.

You are holding back tears when others brag about grades or awards, because you know how hard your child works just to keep up.

You are cheering for small victories no one else notices… your child remembering a vowel sound rule, reading one new word, writing a sentence, finishing homework without a meltdown.

You are showing grace to teachers who care, and restraint with those who don’t understand.

You are exhausted, frustrated, and invisible, but still showing up, again and again.

You are advocating even when your voice shakes. You are pushing forward when you have nothing left to give. This is me…I know I’m not alone, but some days sure feel very lonely!

If this is also you…just know you are not alone,

Your fight matters. Your child is not broken, but the system definitely is, and your love is changing everything.

On the days, like today, when progress feels impossible, when hope feels far away, remember this: You’re doing it right… Your child comes first, you know best, keep pushing even when you have nothing left because your child is counting on you! ❤️

By Sarah Johnson

District discretion – outside recommendations – denial reasonable

This case is from Manitoba. Cases in other provinces aren’t binding, but still influential and are used nationally in human rights complaints across Canada. We absolutely need to be aware of them.

This is a case to be known.

This parent lost her human rights complaint and filed a judicial review. She lost that as well and has had to pay costs. Paying costs is not something that you risk when filing a human rights complaint, but something you do risk when you file a judicial review. This is thousands of dollars, possibly $20,000 in BC. (Please consult with a lawyer if you are filing a judicial review.)

Wells v. Manitoba (Human Rights Commission) et al., 2025 MBKB 86

[1]         Maxine Wells (Ms. Wells or the applicant) is a tireless advocate for her son who had learning disability challenges as a student in the Border Land School Division (the Division).  Ms. Wells was in regular contact with his teachers, school administration and Division personnel[1] regarding his learning challenges and how they should be addressed.  Often, there were disagreements about his needs and how they should be addressed.  Several times, Ms. Wells retained independent specialists to assess her son’s learning disabilities and provide recommendations on how to accommodate those learning disabilities in the school setting.  Ms. Wells says that the Division was often dismissive of the recommendations of these specialists.  This became increasingly frustrating for her as she wanted to ensure her son had the best possible outcome in an education framework that did not, from her perspective, appear to be giving him the opportunity to succeed.  She says that ultimately, her son did not achieve the level of learning he could have had the Division followed the recommendations of the specialists as she urged them to do.

[8]         The thrust of Ms. Wells’ application is that she disagrees with the Division’s assessments of her son’s needs and the accommodation measures implemented which, in her opinion, were often not aligned with those of outside clinicians.  More specifically, she submitted that:

  • the Division did not accept assessments provided by experts;

    (etc.)

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The conclusion is interesting as the tribunal saw the teachers as the experts to dismiss the outside experts. I think everything in the paragraph below is interesting. This is how the tribunal views the education staff and the power they support.

We have a case in BC where a parent’s human rights complaint continued partly because outside recommendations were not considered. However, here is a tribunal hearing decision which is different than the legal test for a dismissal.

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[29]      After considering all the evidence in relation to the Complaint, the Investigator concluded that the Board offered reasonable accommodation:

… the evidentiary record suggests that the school provided him with extensive supports, adaptations and programming based on the medical documentation it received, and its own observations of [her] son.  The evidence shows that the school often already had supports in place that met or addressed some recommendations in new reports it received.  While it may not have been able to implement every individual recommendation immediately or at all time, the school made a concerted effort to update and follow the son’s educational plan as per the extensive and changing recommendation made by numerous different clinicians and healthcare professionals through the son’s schooling.  The school must be given some discretion with respect to the specific programming and supports it provided to its students based on medical documentation and ongoing assessments.  As subject matter experts in delivering education, it appears that the school would be in the best position to determine how to provide academic accommodation to students in accordance with its assessments and available medical documentations.

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This is where a lot of parents can get confused about the IEP process. The schools have a duty to meaningfully consult with you. But the FINAL decision always rests with the school. Not you. You are not an equal partner. There doesn’t need to be a consensus. They don’t need you to agree.

They need to be able to justify their decision-making and provide with evidence that they are providing “reasonable accommodations” up to the point of undue hardship.

Recommendations from professionals are just that, recommendations. This tribunal has asserted that it’s up to the teachers (the district) which recommendations to implement and when. They still need to be able to justify it as reasonable. As removing a barrier and providing “a ramp”, a reasonable ramp. And they will need to provide EVIDENCE to the tribunal that they have done this.

The school districts being aware that they need to provide evidence of reasonable accommodations is why they are aware and concerned about their damage period, when they find out you have filed or are considering filing a complaint.

An important part of the duty to accommodate process isn’t just the discrimination test. The other side of the coin is the reasonable justification test.

The tribunal has repeatedly put the professional responsibility in the hands of education staff to be the ones to figure out how to remove the barriers for disabled students so their education is accessible. Ok then, so do it.

Always remember, they have the responsibility of investigating and figuring out what the barriers are and creating a plan to remove them. Meaningful inquiry.

As stated in X by Y v. Board of Education of School District No. Z, 2024 BCHRT 72,

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[120] Ultimately, on a balance of probabilities, I am satisfied that the District discharged its duty to accommodate X in his grade 2 year by reviewing the Diagnosis Report, developing an IEP, making various support people and strategies available that were incorporated into the classroom and outside, reviewing progress and changes, and adapting its approach in response……

[142] Y has said that the learning support provided throughout X’s education has not been enough for X to “reach the same level as his peers or possibly excel”. The District’s obligation is reasonable not perfect accommodation. As I have said above, reasonable accommodation is not necessarily measured by whether a student is meeting or exceeding certain standardized learning goals but rather by whether barriers have been removed to provide meaningful access to education.

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As always, I am so thankful for the transparency of these cases being public for us to all learn from and be aware, so we can be knowledgeable advocates.

As always, I recommend you read the case in full.

Advocacy Writing – Your MLA

I have been learning just how powerful letter writing can be.

People from prison have written letters to anyone who will listen, and because of their letters, university courses in specific programs started. Non-profits have started up, and innocent people have gotten representation and their names cleared. Almost 100% of the time, the letter writers were completely unaware of the impact their letters had on people and how they planted seeds of change.

One advocate wrote so much to the government all over Canada that they didn’t realize she was just one person and thought she was a fully staffed national organization. Too funny!

There is an important concept in human rights law called “hindsight”. People can’t be held legally responsible for their inaction if they didn’t know about it. The law looks at what they knew at the time. Was their decision-making reasonable based on the information they had at the time?

We want people in positions of power not to be able to claim ignorance. If we are demanding action, we don’t want them to be able to say they didn’t know.

Part of the importance of filing external complaints is the data trail it leaves.

Advocacy fatigue is real for a lot of people. People with privilege really don’t understand the extreme weight that systemic oppression forces onto people. A book I think really sheds light on this with evidence from studies is called “Weathering: The Extraordinary Stress of Ordinary Life in an Unjust Society” by Arline T. Geronimus. I won’t provide any spoiler alerts, but it’s worth the read.

Some people are fuelled by advocacy whether they want to be or not. Many parents fit into this category. An example is my blog, “You Can Run on Anger“. Many neurodivergent people are especially in tune and responsive to injustice. It’s not by accident that many people who take up leadership roles in non-profits are ND themselves. We are built for this. I think of the Cars movie, “I am speed.” 😉 LOL

I think the human spirit is somehow tied to letter writing. A symbol of hope. We have always had the dreamy concept that if we are stranded on an island, what will save us is the letter in a bottle.

Here is something that is important to know about your MLA. Your school trustees and your local MLA rub elbows many times at community events. They often have a history together, and many school trustees run in their local MLA elections. Your school district does not want to embarrass their school trustees by you ratting out the district about all of the horrible things they are doing. Pull in the superintendent. Contacting your MLA can be a strategic move.

Your MLA will not get involved in your issues if you have open complaints. That includes Ombudsperson complaints, human rights complaints etc. You can still email them about everything, just don’t expect them to comment on anything.

If you want your information to remain confidential and anonymous, be clear about that at the start, and ask if this can be respected.

Your MLA is an important person because they need to listen to their constituents (you), hear about your issues and then they can use it to speak up about these issues in parliament. They also track how many people are coming to them about the same issue. This is what guides their work.

From Role of an MLA:

“Members meet regularly with constituents and attend community meetings and events. Constituency offices assist British Columbians who have questions or concerns about provincial programs, policies, and benefits. Members may also contact ministers or ministry officials about policies and programs affecting individual British Columbians.

There are also opportunities for Members to raise constituent perspectives and concerns in the Legislative Assembly during debates by making statements or presenting petitions, and by asking government to act on issues affecting residents of their electoral district or the province.“

They may not be able to solve your problem, but alerting them to the issues is very important. If I am going to plead anything with parents is to please make your experience count. Don’t let it get pushed under the rug like it never happened. Writing to your MLA and cc: the Human Rights Commissioner can make such a difference. Things accumulate. As more people write, the mountain builds. If you have one last breath in you, let it be this.

One of my favourite quotes from disability activist Judith Heumann is:

“Change never happens at the pace we think it should. It happens over years of people joining together, strategizing, sharing, and pulling all of the levers they possibly can. Gradually, excruciatingly slowly, things start to happen, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, something will tip.” – Judith Heumann

What can be so emotionally unsatisfying is that people in positions of power NEVER want to let on just how powerful we really are. They are afraid to open the floodgates in society. The system as a whole is really trying to keep everyone somewhat calm so that they don’t storm the fortress, as has literally occurred so many times in history. They use delay. Or when you do hit a nerve, they strategically time things much later so that you aren’t aware it was you that actually brought that on. We can’t have them claim they didn’t know. When you email the Ministry of Education cc: Human Rights Commissioner and your MLA.

Know this: your voice matters. The more people speaking up does create cultural changes. What society views as acceptable now has changed over the decades, and all of that has been brought, carried and exposed on the backs of those most harmed. Being aware of people’s experiences changes our expectations of our government.

I give you the beginning.

Dear (insert MLA’s name)

I am writing to you on behalf of my child. My goal is for you to be aware of the issues that families are facing when they have a child with a disability/neurodivergence in education. We need systemic change.

Here is our story.

The Damage Period

Anytime someone is being sued or has a human rights complaint against them, they are always looking to minimize the damage period. They don’t want to pay for your harm for 2 years, when they can only be legally responsible for 6 months.

Common sense, reality and law don’t always match up. These are legal tests. Law tries to put a box around a human experience.

Depending on the legal issue, there are different ways to minimize the damage period.

I took a defamation workshop (notes here), and I found it to be very interesting. I learned about how, if/when, and how you apologize can impact how much you could potentially be on the hook for paying them. For example, let’s say you go on social media and say some horrible shit about someone. You accuse them of being involved in criminal activity, etc. blah blah blah. A week later, you apologize genuinely, take it all back, and try to repair their reputation. You explain you were angry, you made it all up, etc. The apology acts as a time stamp. It legally stops the clock. Your damage period may only be 7 days. But if you apologize after 2 months and the damage has already been done….they have lost business because of what you have said about them. Well, now your costs are going to be much higher.

This is an important concept in human rights complaints for schools, because I have noticed they are always trying to limit their damage period.

This can be good for us.

If they know you have a human rights complaint submitted, they are going to want to “fix it”. Not because they are emotionally motivated, but more financially motivated to do it. They know they are now going to have to justify their actions and provide evidence of accommodation, potentially, to a tribunal. They are going to want to shrink their damage period by providing your child with accommodations. The more concerned they are about you taking your case to a hearing, the more of a commitment to undoing the harm you are going to get.

This is one of the reasons telling them you have filed a human rights complaint before you find out if it’s been accepted or not can be a form of advocacy for your child.

Some people may disagree with me, but in my experience, a human rights complaint offered my child a level of protection. They got the support they needed, and they were protected by retaliation protections in The Code. Depends on what you are dealing with; fast tracking may make the most sense. Sometimes, having a human rights complaint hang over the district, lasting for years, may be the exact thing that you need to keep your kid safe.

If you don’t notice any changes within the next few months after letting the district know you have filed a complaint, they may genuinely feel that they are accommodating your child up to the point of undue hardship and their decisions are justifiable. Doesn’t mean that they are correct.

Lawyers and districts are always thinking of how to reduce their costs, and they will assess how “cost-risky” you are. They have a lot of parents threatening all sorts of things at them. Reality is, not many parents follow through. So if you are a parent who actually files external complaints, you are now sticking out from the crowd.

My suggestion to anyone is to be thoughtful when filing complaints. Don’t rush into it. Be aware of time limits. With the BC HRT and filing a human rights complaint, you have a year. These can be part of your toolbox. For example, if you are considering filing a Teacher’s Regulation Branch, the Ministry wants you to speak with the superintendent first. That can be useful. You may not even need to file the complaint. Start by using human rights language in your advocacy emails and escalate as needed. I also offer you this blog for consideration, titled “If Nothing Else, It’s Okay to Take up Space.”

I had no idea how much strategizing was involved in advocacy when I first started out. I have learned A LOT.

Your pen can be your sword.

Getting ready for IEP Season – Legally

Here is a list of relevant human rights decisions that can assist you in your advocacy at IEP time.

Among decisions from hearings are decisions not to dismiss complaints and have them proceed, which are also relevant. It shows what will be considered a human rights complaint and gives you an idea of what your advocacy options are.

Self-Advocacy

A topic that often comes up in IEP meetings is self-advocacy. What does the Human Rights case law say about advocacy for kids with a disability?

Student (by Parent) v. School District, 2023 BCHRT 237

[90]           Generally, it is the obligation of the person seeking accommodation to bring forward the relevant facts: Central Okanagan School District No. 23 v. Renaud, 1992 CanLII 81 (SCC), [1992] 2 SCR 970. This can be challenging for children, and especially challenging for children with invisible disabilities. I agree with the Parent that children who require accommodation in their school are in a different situation than adults seeking accommodation. Though they have a role to play in the process, that role will be age and ability-specific, and the burden cannot be on a child to identify and bring forward the facts necessary for their accommodation.

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  • Age specific
  • Ability specific
  • Burden is not on the child to identify and bring forward the necessary facts for their accommodation

Self-advocacy is an important skill for children to develop, but we need to be realistic about the environment they are in. I give you this blog: Self-Advocacy and Victim Blaming in Education

Denied an EA?

The Student (by the parent) v. The School District, 2025 BCHRT 17

[1] In April 2022, the Parent made a complaint against the School District on the Student’s behalf. The complaint alleges that the School District discriminated against the Student regarding its services based on the Student’s mental disability. Specifically, the complaint alleges that the School District failed to accommodate the Student by not providing him with an Education Assistant in one of his classes.

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  • We know from this that if you feel your child is not being properly accommodated for their disability-related needs by not having access to an Education Assistant, it may be possible that your human rights complaint will be accepted by the tribunal.
  • You can use this case in your advocacy
  • The school district would have to be able to justify its decision not to provide your child access to an EA and that they were still reasonably accommodating your child. Documenting your child struggling and not equitably accessing their education is key. Provide this evidence to the district with this case.

Professional Recommendations

[66] The Child alleges that the School Board lost or did not read many of the reports that were provided to them, and that as a result, the recommendations contained in those reports were not incorporated into their IEPs. Therefore, they say, the Child’s disabilities were not properly accommodated. The Child says that had the IEPs been developed in line with the medical and psychoeducational recommendations contained in the reports provided to the School Board, their Parents would not have had to intervene with private support services in order to keep the Child at grade level. They say that because the recommendations in the reports were not incorporated into the Child’s IEPs, the Parents were required to provide the Child with tutoring, vision therapy, and auditory therapy, along with other interventions.

[68] The School Board admits that certain of the recommendations contained in the psychoeducational assessment and other medical reports were not included in the Child’s IEPs. However, the School Board says that the IEPs developed for the Child “are consistent with the recognized supports for students with a learning disability like dyslexia within British Columbia.” They say that many of the recommendations from the psychoeducational assessment report in particular were specific to programs available in Colorado, not in BC. They say the IEPs that have been developed for the Child were consistent with the Child’s Ministry of Education designation and “the information regarding [the Child’s] learning needs”, including the provision of a learner support teacher as well as modifications implemented by the classroom teacher. They note that the Child’s progress reports indicate that they have progressed “well” and “overall at grade level”.

[72] While the School Board took steps through the IEPs to accommodate the Child, based on the materials before me, I am not persuaded that they are reasonably certain to prove they took all reasonable and practical steps to remove the disability-related barriers faced by the Child. This allegation will proceed.

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  • The school is taking a risk of you filing a human rights complaint and having it accepted if they do not consider the professional recommendations that you are providing them.

Not Following the IEP

[70] …..The Ministry says IEPs do have a legal effect and function, as there is a valid legislative and policy framework that provides both authority and guidance for IEPs.

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To read about the legal effect and function of an IEP please read this blog, IEP – They aren’t just words on a Page

Meaningful Inquiry

The all-important duty to consult is very applicable to IEP meetings.

Read about the Duty to Consult, which is protected by the Human Rights case law. You are protected and backed up by multiple forms of written authority.

They Must Not Give Up

X by Y v. Board of Education of School District No. Z, 2024 BCHRT 72

[120] Ultimately, on a balance of probabilities, I am satisfied that the District discharged its duty to accommodate X in his grade 2 year by reviewing the Diagnosis Report, developing an IEP, making various support people and strategies available that were incorporated into the classroom and outside, reviewing progress and changes, and adapting its approach in response……

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  • By developing an IEP, reviewing progress and adapting their approach, they can justify reasonable accommodations.
  • So you can ask them to give you examples of this being done.
  • Blog on this case.

NOTE:

Climate Change of Education

We are experiencing the climate change of education.

The lakes have dried up. Food resources are scarce. The weather is harsh and unforgiving. We move to another territory, adapt, or die.

Parents are fighting for the scraps of resources that are spread over a very scarce landscape.

It’s creating stress. Desperation. Mental health issues. Tension between all parties. Survival instincts are in full swing.

You want your child to survive in this climate, you’ll need to fight for it.

A truth that has always been true: those who advocate are more likely to get their needs met. No one is ever going to hand you anything. And I can tell you that if you want your kids’ needs met in education, you will need to advocate. You will need to learn, to research, to study, and grow as an individual to advocate for your child.

That truth has intensified in today’s reality. The scarcity in education has hit hard.

I remember being told my child will have to wait over 6 months for some kind of screening reading test. We were in a state of crisis, and for some little screening test…wait over 6 months?? omg. I thought I was going to rip my face off.

The professional who was supporting my child wrote a letter recommending a psych-ed assessment, and I contacted a district person above the principal. The result was that my child was now bumped up and was booked for the screening in 2 weeks. I sat in front of the professional, telling them how horrible I felt. What about all of the other children who now had to wait longer because my child jumped the line? What about the kids who didn’t have a parent advocating for them? The whole situation made me sick.

He gave me some spiel about how to never feel bad for advocating to the full extent for my child. I am the only advocate my child is going to have.

The horrible parts of how our society is structured are that we compete for resources. We fight it out. It doesn’t feel very good to know that other kids will get less, because your child gets more.

I fucking hate the systems for putting parents in this situation. Sticking us against each other. Vile.

We were dealing with another situation years later and I wrote an effective email to the district. The next day my child had an EA in the class for them. I wondered where in the world this EA came from, and now who is going without?

School districts will sometimes try to guilt-trip parents into compliance and acceptance. Well, if we gave your child an EA then so and so over here wouldn’t get any.

I do want to offer you some comfort that if you ever file complaints, you are now involved in systemic advocacy. Your child and their experience become part of the data collection, and it will raise awareness of just how dire the situation has become.

I have no regrets about filing all of the external complaints that I have. It got my kids what they needed and brought forward decisions parents are now using for their own advocacy. Peace. I am willing to live with the guilt and uncomfortable feelings I have around my kids getting more than others, so that they have a chance in life. Our whole system needs to change. But for right now, for today… if we wait for everyone to get their needs met together, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives. Your child doesn’t have time to wait. The time is now. Fight for them. They need you.

I like the meme I see sometimes on social media. “Choose your hard.”

It’s hard to advocate.
It’s also hard to watch your child suffer.

Choose your hard.

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Advocacy Tools

For those of you who are struggling to get your child EA support, I offer you this human rights decision to support your advocacy.

For those of you who are struggling with teachers following IEPs, I offer you this human rights decision to support your advocacy.

For those of you who are struggling with getting schools to accept professional recommendations in your IEPs, I offer you this human rights decsion to support your advocacy.

And as always, the Duty to Accommodate

The Cocoon – A Rest Stop

There is a grounding exercise where you take a breath and list things you can see, hear, smell, taste and touch. There are a TON of free guided meditation videos on YouTube. I used to do these with my kids a lot. Sometimes focusing on the now, and just the next 5 minutes, can be what is needed.

Sometimes the caterpillar needs to cocoon for a while and rebuild.

I have been talking to a lot of caterpillars.

There will be days when breathing is enough. When thinking long term is overwhelming and it just feels like there is nothing but mountains ahead.

Advocacy is a marathon.

You will need to figure out what you can sustain and how you can sustain yourself.

Stepping away from the fight can also be self-preservation. It can also be the right decision for right now.

I know I write a lot about advocacy and systemic change. Not everyone needs to be doing this, or will be in a position in their life to be engaged in this work. It might not be right now. It might be later. After the break. After the healing. When you feel ready. Or never. Everything is temporary in life and fluid. We can’t anticipate what we will have the capacity for in the future or not.

Choosing the cocoon isn’t giving up. Sometimes staying to fight is a one-way ticket to total destruction.

Choosing to leave one lily pad and jump to a different one can be… these are the cards you have been given, and you are doing the best with what you have got.

If you need permission to leave toxic environments in search of healthier ones and live your best life, you have got it. Go ahead. Focus on the now. Make your child and yourself the priority.

For those who cannot make choosing the cocoon a significant change. Think in the now. In the next 5 min. Find 10 minutes a day where you can cocoon. What would that need to look like for you?