Tag: inclusion

Failing Forward with Compassion

Advocacy is never a straight, linear path. It’s two steps forward, one step back. It’s rocky and risky. Messy, really.

As a society, we need to embrace failure. We want our government to be able to pivot when needed, to consult and always reflect on whether their policies and laws are working. There are so many times when unintended effects occur. We don’t ever really know sometimes, until we try something. Unfortunately, at times, it takes people speaking up over the harms they are experiencing to ever really know that something isn’t working. How many times do we hear horrific stories to realize just how wide the gaps are in a system?

Generally speaking, we aren’t great at predicting human behaviour. We think we are. We do risk assessments, but we are often wrong. Risk assessments are educated guesses. They are done in percentages. Given all of these factors, this person has a 30% chance of re-offending. That won’t be true for everyone. Due to the outliers, we overly punish more people out of fear, hoping to get it right 100% of the time.

We want our teachers to be able to pivot with new information. Just because we did something one way for the last 20 years doesn’t mean that we can’t do something different when presented with new information. We want people to be able to change their minds and not dig their heels in the sand when presented with harm.

As parents, we also reflect on whether our parenting strategies are working. Our kids are our greatest teachers. And they certainly let us know when our approaches don’t work.

We need to be compassionate towards ourselves. We put so much weight and responsibility on our shoulders. We don’t want to get anything wrong, as the impacts will be felt by our children. Some parents are so afraid to make a mistake with their advocacy efforts that they do nothing.

I encourage people to get comfortable with failing forward. We fail, we reflect, we learn, and then we take the next step. And the next. And the next. Perfectionism can put us in our own prison.

I have experienced failure a lot in my efforts to push the line. But never completely. Even in the failure, the line has moved. There has always been progress. Sometimes completely unintended. It’s always nice when that works out. Why, yes, I planned this all along. umm…not.

Advocating in our kids’ IEP meetings feels very risky. We can feel full of fear. Fear of pissing people off, and our kids not being liked because of us. That is the worst feeling. The worst kind of fear. It’s one thing if I risk a business idea, but to risk my child’s emotional safety feels intolerable.

Deciding what advocacy approach to take can feel like a risk. Do we file an external complaint? We do our research. We weigh the pros and cons. Sometimes, it’s the only thing we can do; we have tried everything else. Even if your complaint doesn’t unfold the way that you hope, just filing creates data that informs the system. Even if your TRB complaint doesn’t lead to a consent resolution, it stays on their file and will help the next parent, as the TRB often waits for patterns of behaviour to appear. Complaints led to an exclusion investigation from Ombudsperson BC, and I don’t see any successful case summaries about exclusion on their website.

We want society to be compassionate with our own children as they fail forward in life. Making mistakes as they grow. Learning from them. We can be compassionate with ourselves as we stumble around trying to figure things out. Testing out different strategies. Reflecting. Taking in new information. Pivoting. Trying again. It seems, to be successful at anything in life, we need to practice over and over. Which means, we aren’t successful the first time, but maybe the 50th time.

It can be nerve-wracking to advocate for our kids. I love support groups for this reason. Talking to other people who are also out there failing forward helps to make it seem less scary. You can do this.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”. – Gandhi

Advocacy Writing – Your MLA

I have been learning just how powerful letter writing can be.

People from prison have written letters to anyone who will listen, and because of their letters, university courses in specific programs started. Non-profits have started up, and innocent people have gotten representation and their names cleared. Almost 100% of the time, the letter writers were completely unaware of the impact their letters had on people and how they planted seeds of change.

One advocate wrote so much to the government all over Canada that they didn’t realize she was just one person and thought she was a fully staffed national organization. Too funny!

There is an important concept in human rights law called “hindsight”. People can’t be held legally responsible for their inaction if they didn’t know about it. The law looks at what they knew at the time. Was their decision-making reasonable based on the information they had at the time?

We want people in positions of power not to be able to claim ignorance. If we are demanding action, we don’t want them to be able to say they didn’t know.

Part of the importance of filing external complaints is the data trail it leaves.

Advocacy fatigue is real for a lot of people. People with privilege really don’t understand the extreme weight that systemic oppression forces onto people. A book I think really sheds light on this with evidence from studies is called “Weathering: The Extraordinary Stress of Ordinary Life in an Unjust Society” by Arline T. Geronimus. I won’t provide any spoiler alerts, but it’s worth the read.

Some people are fuelled by advocacy whether they want to be or not. Many parents fit into this category. An example is my blog, “You Can Run on Anger“. Many neurodivergent people are especially in tune and responsive to injustice. It’s not by accident that many people who take up leadership roles in non-profits are ND themselves. We are built for this. I think of the Cars movie, “I am speed.” 😉 LOL

I think the human spirit is somehow tied to letter writing. A symbol of hope. We have always had the dreamy concept that if we are stranded on an island, what will save us is the letter in a bottle.

Here is something that is important to know about your MLA. Your school trustees and your local MLA rub elbows many times at community events. They often have a history together, and many school trustees run in their local MLA elections. Your school district does not want to embarrass their school trustees by you ratting out the district about all of the horrible things they are doing. Pull in the superintendent. Contacting your MLA can be a strategic move.

Your MLA will not get involved in your issues if you have open complaints. That includes Ombudsperson complaints, human rights complaints etc. You can still email them about everything, just don’t expect them to comment on anything.

If you want your information to remain confidential and anonymous, be clear about that at the start, and ask if this can be respected.

Your MLA is an important person because they need to listen to their constituents (you), hear about your issues and then they can use it to speak up about these issues in parliament. They also track how many people are coming to them about the same issue. This is what guides their work.

From Role of an MLA:

“Members meet regularly with constituents and attend community meetings and events. Constituency offices assist British Columbians who have questions or concerns about provincial programs, policies, and benefits. Members may also contact ministers or ministry officials about policies and programs affecting individual British Columbians.

There are also opportunities for Members to raise constituent perspectives and concerns in the Legislative Assembly during debates by making statements or presenting petitions, and by asking government to act on issues affecting residents of their electoral district or the province.“

They may not be able to solve your problem, but alerting them to the issues is very important. If I am going to plead anything with parents is to please make your experience count. Don’t let it get pushed under the rug like it never happened. Writing to your MLA and cc: the Human Rights Commissioner can make such a difference. Things accumulate. As more people write, the mountain builds. If you have one last breath in you, let it be this.

One of my favourite quotes from disability activist Judith Heumann is:

“Change never happens at the pace we think it should. It happens over years of people joining together, strategizing, sharing, and pulling all of the levers they possibly can. Gradually, excruciatingly slowly, things start to happen, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, something will tip.” – Judith Heumann

What can be so emotionally unsatisfying is that people in positions of power NEVER want to let on just how powerful we really are. They are afraid to open the floodgates in society. The system as a whole is really trying to keep everyone somewhat calm so that they don’t storm the fortress, as has literally occurred so many times in history. They use delay. Or when you do hit a nerve, they strategically time things much later so that you aren’t aware it was you that actually brought that on. We can’t have them claim they didn’t know. When you email the Ministry of Education cc: Human Rights Commissioner and your MLA.

Know this: your voice matters. The more people speaking up does create cultural changes. What society views as acceptable now has changed over the decades, and all of that has been brought, carried and exposed on the backs of those most harmed. Being aware of people’s experiences changes our expectations of our government.

I give you the beginning.

Dear (insert MLA’s name)

I am writing to you on behalf of my child. My goal is for you to be aware of the issues that families are facing when they have a child with a disability/neurodivergence in education. We need systemic change.

Here is our story.

What are you Advocating for?

Schools are required by law to provide your child with accommodations. They are not required by law to remove the disability from your child.

There are parents that feel that if their child is still showing features that are natural to their disability or neurodiversity, it must indicate that the school is not providing appropriate accommodations.

No.

Your child is entering the school disabled at 9am and at 3pm they will leave disabled.

Your child is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with them. Disability and neurodiversity are a natural part of human variation. If we have a society with no disabled people, there is something seriously wrong going on.

Schools provide accommodations, “ramps”. Like a pair of glasses. They don’t “fix” kids and remove the disability from them. Their job is to provide an education, with skills to be able to function the best they can in society. The same as all kids.

For example, if your child stutters and the school doesn’t remove the stuttering and make them fluent, it doesn’t mean the school is failing them. If your kid doesn’t want to participate in “treatment,” it doesn’t mean the school is failing them. If your child is still showing features that are natural to their disability/neurodiversity, it doesn’t mean the school is failing them.

Way back in history it was believed people with disabilities were possessed by the devil. It was believed that if they tortured the body enough to make it unhabitable, the devil (the disability) would leave. People would perform exorcisms, trying to rid people of disability.

We aren’t asking the school to remove the disability or neurodiversity from a child. We want kids to have an equitable access to their education. To be provided with skills and an education so that they can reach their potential. Not to be someone else.

Are you advocating for accommodations, or are you advocating for an exorcism?

“Jumping the Shark”

As I look back on my educational advocacy experience I ask myself…. at what point did I jump the shark? And what was the last straw that made me do it?

There is a term in show biz called “jumping the shark”. It’s when the TV series, which was doing amazingly well, starts to suck. At what point did the show “jump the shark”?

I think of jumping the shark in terms of our experience in education, when we realize what we hoped was going well, actually isn’t. When things take a turn. Reality sets in. In terms of advocacy, it is at this point in time we stop being doormats and prioritize being “nice”. (And really, advocating doesn’t mean ripping the skin off people’s faces. We can be respectful, and maintain civility.) Sometimes that means contacting district administration and filing external complaints if necessary. But the days of head nodding are over.

Parents naturally want a good relationship with their child’s school.

No parent wants to feel unwelcome. A troublemaker. Causing people discomfort. I never in my life could have predicted our family’s education experience when my children started kindergarten. Never. If someone told me 10 years ago, this is how things would be, I wouldn’t have believed them.

I am someone who is very sensitive. I know that about my own neurodiversity. If I mentally don’t feel well, I feel it physically. In big ways.

When I first started filing Teacher Regulation Branch complaints, of which I filed 4 of them at the start, I broke out into stress hives. They were all around my chest and back, ironically where my heart is.

I never wanted to see the look of dread on someone’s face when I walked into my children’s elementary school.

I wanted to have a good relationship with people.

But here is the thing…

If you lie to me.

If you gaslight me.

If you manipulate me.

If you ignore my emails.

You are the one who is breaking the good relationship with me first.

It’s already over. I just haven’t clued into that yet.

No matter how much discomfort someone feels around me, the bottom line, my kids come first. I struggle with prioritizing the feelings of adults in the schools over my kids. They are adults with resources and skills to regulate their own emotions. Children who are being discriminated against in school can do nothing but endure. They are trapped. Hoping their parents will pull them out of the quicksand.

At some point, you just have to see things for what they truly are.

Behind their smiles.

We need to snap into reality. Prioritize the physical, mental, and emotional safety of our kids, and just “jump the shark”.

Head nodding days are over.

Are Lawsuits the Only Chance Parents Have in Shaping the Education System?

It feels like we have tried everything else…

We have another school year upon us and everyone’s anxiety around a new school are compounded this year, for so many reasons.  More so, for parents of disabled children.

Advocacy for the new year is already in full swing, and who are we kidding, advocacy for this year -started last year!

When things feel out of control, it is important to remember that we do have a foundation of some education law to stand on.  We can push.

First, we have The UNESCO Salamanca Statement

“In June 1994 representatives of 92 governments and 25 international organisations formed the World Conference on Special Needs Education, held in Salamanca, Spain. They agreed a dynamic new Statement on the education of all disabled children, which called for inclusion to be the norm. In addition, the Conference adopted a new Framework for Action, the guiding principle of which is that ordinary schools should accommodate all children, regardless of their physical, intellectual, social, emotional, linguistic or other conditions. All educational policies, says the Framework, should stipulate that disabled children attend the neighbourhood school ‘that would be attended if the child did not have a disability.”

Canada was one of these 92 governments. For all sorts of info on this – http://www.csie.org.uk/inclusion/unesco-salamanca.shtml

Now that we have established that exclusion is actually illegal, and all of our children are legally allowed to attend their local school, let’s move onto Loco Parentis.

Second, we have Loco Parentis.

What does Loco Parentis mean?

It means that LEGALLY teachers are expected to behave like a “careful parent”.

“Traditionally, the teacher was considered to be acting in loco parentis. This means that in relation to the student, the teacher stands in the position of a caring, responsible parent and unofficial guardian. This concept allows the teacher some of the privileges of a parent but also brings with it added responsibilities for the protection of pupils. Thus, a teacher could be liable for injury or damages to a pupil if the teacher’s conduct falls below the standard of care deemed to be necessary under the given circumstances. In some instances, the duty of care owed by the teacher may exceed that of the parent if special knowledge makes the teacher aware of dangers that the parent might not appreciate.” – https://www.teachers.ab.ca/News%20Room/Publications/Substitute%20Teachers/Pages/Chapter%204.aspx

https://heftlaw.ca/loco-parentis

https://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~wallind/chapterfour5.html

http://www.thecharterrules.ca/resources/sitch_and_mccoubrey_students_rights.pdf

https://open.library.ubc.ca/media/stream/pdf/831/1.0077325/1

The courts continuously have tossed lawsuits against school districts who do not want the system to be flooded by parents’ ability to sue schools, especially around education malpractice. https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/56369776.pdf

Is the common law of Loco Parentis our way in???

I have such a respect for teachers. They are not given all of the education that is required of them to fulfill the expectations demanded by society, and then they are working in a failing system on stage in front of an audience. Does anyone else want to sign up for this? No thank you!

I have many friends who are teachers and EA’s. I was an EA! Working in education is not easy. However, I would like to add that there is a HUGE sliding scale of ability, skill and knowledge amongst education staff. There are the most AMAZING teachers out there and then there are some people who just shock me.

Some people don’t even know the harm they create. Some of it is systemic and functioning in an ablest society. The education system is very sick. It operates from a place of scarcity, defense and secrecy.

Every time school districts get away with harming children, and it usually takes a team, intentional or not, it reinforces that they are untouchable.

So, how can we use common law “Loco Parentis” to aid in our advocacy?

It’s sad to say, but it may take a lawsuit around this topic to get everyone’s attention. If anyone is interested in this path there are pro bono lawyers out there you may want to consider.

When communicating with school districts, it’s all about getting their attention with legal language.

For example: “Your suggestion would exclude my child from school and they would not be able to access their education.” – human rights complaint

“How does the harm my child has experienced because of my child’s team fall under the supreme court decision around loco parentis?”

When you start quoting policy and law, things tend to take a quick turn. Your school district will have a tab on their main website with all of the policies and bylaws, sometimes under the Board section. The school boards are responsible for student achievement and MONITORING student achievement. Always be aware that each school district has a process to appeal decisions to the school board.  

For those who are sad at the realization that advocating for your child sometimes require that you become a self taught lawyer, I offer you this….

http://www.speakingupbc.com/2021/08/06/the-non-death-loss-for-parents-of-disabled-children-in-education-all-over-this-province/

I encourage you to look through my education advocacy pages and I have added a new Education Law page. Work in progress! If any parent reading this would like to send me more education law info or links, I will be happy to add.

The scariest situation for a school district, is a parent who knows their rights. Every time you advocate for your own child, you open the door for someone else. We are not alone.