Trying to collaborate in good faith and discuss “reasonable accommodations” can be the real murky (stressful) part of the accommodation process that has the most potential for disaster.
This is where we are at our most vulnerable.
Here is why.
(Please read every single word of the next paragraph. Twice if necessary.)
As part of the duty to accommodate, both parties are expected to collaborate in good faith. The accommodations offered by the school don’t need to be perfect or ideal for our children; they just need to be reasonable enough for them to be able to access their education. (Whatever that means.) Even though they have to meaningfully consult with us, the school gets to decide what is reasonable. We need to engage in the accommodation process and have a conversation about whether we think their suggestions for reasonable accommodations are going to work. They have the final decision-making power. Even if we don’t agree, if they draw the line in the sand and say this is it. We have the duty to facilitate that decision. Even if we think it is going to harm our kid. Then if it does harm our kid, we have to document it, and the conversation starts all over again. All the while, we need to be civil and can’t lose our shit. If they frustrate us and we shut down and stop engaging, we will have “frustrated the accommodation process”. In an employment situation, they can have your human rights complaint dismissed. However, this important case [L.B.v. Toronto School Board, para 77 (c)(d)], shows that in the education context, even without parental authority, the school still has to fulfill their legal obligations to your child. Just be prepared, they will blame you for everything if you file a human rights complaint. Well…. they always seem to do that anyway…but still. This case will be helpful.
Sounds fun eh?
If you are ready to rip your hair out, it’s not you. It’s them. They know exactly what they are doing as they drag you onto the hamster wheel and make you run and run and run. (Maybe the teachers aren’t in the know of these strategies, but the admin are.)
There are ways to get yourself off the hamster wheel.
These are not in any order of importance. Just a list of strategies to consider.
- Question and document their delay strategies as them not working in good faith. Or any other nonsense they do. You aren’t the only one who has to be collaborative. Delay strategies, ignoring you, dismissing your concerns, is not collaboration. How you question them will be the art of advocacy as to communicate what you are noticing, but not become adversarial.
- Keep and log every email that they didn’t respond to and every meeting that was cancelled and delayed
- Keep a timeline for how long things are taking the harm because of the delay
- Email the list of concerns you have, and note the ones that have not been addressed or have a proposed resolution plan.
- When you email, you can use the word “notice”. I have noticed that it’s been 3 weeks for us to have a proposed solution to my concerns outlined in my email Nov 12th: Concerns for XXXXX.
- Another phrase that is good: “It is to my understanding….” And then state what you think, and seek clarification. Is my understanding correct?
- Email sentences to use: “I am noticing….”, “It is to my understanding that….”, “Is it correct to assume…..” or “I am confused, can you please clarify…..”
- Question the reasonableness of their accommodation suggestions – Ask for evidence. Without using the word evidence. If they want to argue that they are providing your child reasonable accommodations to the tribunal, they are going to need to have EVIDENCE to show that.
- Again, we are using emails as our tool here as documenting is sooooo very important. We absolutely want to communicate in emails. If they don’t want to communicate with you in emails, that is a red flag. (They are up to funky-monkey business, and they know it.) One way of asking for evidence is to say, can you explain to me how this accommodation works for XXXXX? It is extremely reasonable as a parent to want to understand how their plan is going to provide “the ramp”. Ask questions, get them to explain it to you. Don’t let them use vague language. Keep asking questions until you understand exactly what they are talking about. They will use fancy-pancy language with you, hoping to intimidate you. You have every right to understand exactly what they are talking about. If they are not using plain language and instead use jargon, that doesn’t make them look good. What is the point of communicating with each other if we don’t understand what we mean?
- Always ask HOW questions. They state your child does _______. Great. HOW does that happen? How. How. How.
- The tribunal has stated in human rights complaints that the school is in the best position to have discretion to create your child’s education plan, so if they are the experts, then they better behave like the experts. It is their responsibility to investigate why your child is struggling and create a plan on how to remove the barriers. It’s called meaningful inquiry.
- The tribunal has stated in human rights complaints that the school is in the best position to have discretion to create your child’s education plan, so if they are the experts, then they better behave like the experts. It is their responsibility to investigate why your child is struggling and create a plan on how to remove the barriers. It’s called meaningful inquiry.
- File external complaints. Many parents threaten all sorts of things, and quite frankly, not many people do it. They are used to hearing every threat under the sun, and they just sit back and wait for you to explode and leave. If you file a complaint, you will stick out to them. They will underestimate you, until you show them with your behaviour that you are not a doormat. Sometimes, bringing in external eyes and forcing them to provide evidence to someone that they are fulfilling their legal obligations is exactly what needs to happen.
- All of the external complaint departments are silos. They are VERY specific to the issue you are dealing with. A lot of the time, people could file with all of them as they are possibly dealing with overlapping issues, but not always.
- To understand which external complaint deals with what issue, please read my page, Resolution Options in Education
- Also, When should I file?
- Why does this strategy work? The Damage Period
- When you should file is basically asking the question to yourself – if, after giving advocacy a chance, what are you willing to tolerate or not tolerate? When will it be enough? Only you can answer that question.
- Section 11. In action – not making a decision is making a decision. The School Act Section 11 notes that a lack of a decision is still a decision. If the school is making a decision that “significantly affects the education, health or safety of a student,” you can appeal to the Board of Education.
- To read more about this INTERNAL advocacy route, please read my page Section 11 – Appeal to the Board of Education
- Telling the superintendent that you intend to file a Section 11 appeal should at least get you meetings with people in upper management.
- Not many parents complain past the principal. So again, pulling in district eyes to your child’s school may be necessary. Some principals think they are untouchable. Sometimes we need to remind them that everyone has to answer to someone. It’s kind of how our society works. No one should be untouchable.
- Leave if you can. This is an absolute option to consider. There are a lot of parents who feel that if they leave, then “they will win”. This is the emotional well-being of your child. The best revenge is living well. This isn’t a competition. Take your kid and give them something better. Sometimes the fight is worth it, and sometimes it is not. There is nothing wrong with making your child and yourself the priority. They don’t deserve your energy. There is nothing wrong with moving schools or considering other learning options.
- I say this as someone who is an absolute fighter. My kids were getting better care when I started filing complaints than compared to when I wasn’t. So, for my situation, it was absolutely worth it to stay. Filing complaints is a form of advocacy to push the line, create needed data and change. We need people willing to get in the ring. At the same time, if you need permission to save yourselves and focus on the health of your family, you have got it. I’ll absolutely give it to you. Depends on what your history is or current life issues, sometimes fighting the abusive people in the education system isn’t your journey to take. In the same breath, “Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine.” ― Alan Turing.
- No one else can make this decision but you. These aren’t easy decisions as they will impact your child, your family, and you. People just want to be told what to do. I can’t tell you what to do. This is your family, your life. Only you will experience and witness the benefits and consequences of your decisions. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace.
In summary, the collaboration process can be a case-by-case part that isn’t written in stone and will be very specific to your child. For this reason, there isn’t a cookie-cutter instruction manual on what exactly you need to be doing next. Some people are very collaborative and other people are focused on control and are not collaborative at all. A lot of it will depend on your own resources, perception, values, priorities, and personal situations. For that reason, the uncertainty causes families a lot of stress, and they are terrified of making a mistake. I absolutely encourage you to reach out to support groups, counselling, advocacy coaches and non-profit organizations that offer support. Don’t do this alone. You want to lessen your suffering? Reach out to others. You have a community out there who can sit in front of you and say “me too”.